My wife doesn’t like it when I use the word “sucks”. She said it sounds so crass, and I understand this but I couldn’t think of a better word to describe how I felt last night. Bummer? Naw. Hard? Yeah, but no. Sucks explains it well. Sometimes I feel like life literally sucks the life out of me, leaving me feeling raw.
Yesterday evening I was with Mimi at the hospital, as she had checked herself into the Dallas Medical City ER because of chronic pain in her abdomen. She was released that very same evening and sent home with no answers – only recommendations for us to visit a couple of different specialists to do further diagnostic testing to find the cause. The medical field sometimes, good grief.
Well, while waiting for the CT scan results we heard a man suddenly yell at the top of his lungs, “Why did you tell me that?!” Then he just started screaming and screaming and crying hysterically. I peered out into the hall and saw several nurses and police officers running in and out of his room. The screaming continued for about 15-20 minutes, and I couldn’t understand what he was saying most of the time. At one point as loud as he could he kept screaming over and over, “it hurts! It hurts!”
I saw older men standing with the Dallas police officers around his room in slacks and jackets who looked like detectives. My imagination went wild. Did he shoot someone? Did he get shot? Did he have an accident while doing something illegal and someone died as a result? His loud voice and apparent anger penetrated deep into my thoughts. There was something so sad and tragic about it, the pain. Then suddenly he went silent; they had sedated him.
When we arrived home I remember unlocking the dead bolt in our condo door still hearing his screams in my head. I felt so drained and sad; I felt as if the life had been sucked right out of me. Hospitals are hard places to hang out at, and I try avoiding them as often as possible. It is in those deafening moments that I am reminded once again how fragile life is; how it can be here one moment, and in the next moment gone.
I love photographing life for that very reason; It’s so vast but yet so fragile.
For any questions or if you need a photographer for your story, portrait, wedding, or event:
Please contact me: Matthew T Rader
My photos are also available for purchase as fine art, with optional matting and framing services.
It’s wodnerful to have you on our side, haha!